Bad and Worse

Death is all around. It lingers in the trees and lays in the grass.

This depression is sickening. I feel nausea as I look at the moon

surrounded by darkness.

The same feeling hangs over me as I see the brown, bug filled bark

on the trees; the intensified buzzing of the bees, the beating of

the butterflies wings.

The people walk in ghostly silence with their mouths open. They

say nothing. Lips move and worthless words crackle out and break

in the sunlight.

The dogs are howling and the birds are screeching. I imagine they

are content but today, they cannot communicate.

My body is apart from my brain. My thoughts are trying to break

through but my head is too far from my shoulders.

Lovers are full of doubt, friends are full of hate, hope is full of

suspicion, happiness is full of shadows.

Satisfaction

We took a walk today

Just my pony, my country and me.

My pony was bright and stepped

very high. He sparkled under

the sun and ran like a king

whose throne was the sky.

The country was mine

and shouted to me.

The emerald trees smiled and

waved in the wind.

The hot breeze blew memories

back to me.

The water coming from my mountain

was clear–

like a crystal rose with glimmering petals.

Then there I was.

I sang to the stones.

I laughed with the clouds.

I thought to myself,

I thought…

I’m alive and my God,

this isn’t a dream.

A Good Night

It’s a good night.

A good night?

A good night for what?

The sky is black,

the trees are dying,

no one knows me,

no one cares to know,

the lights are going out,

I’ve run out of candles,

no one cares,

no one cares to give,

the oven’s cold,

the air is hot.

It’s a good night.

A good night for what?

Darkness

When you walk through the shadows,

are you afraid?

When the only visible light comes from

a streetlight,

do you tremble?

When the little pools of dirty water

on the ground don’t show your reflection,

do you care?

Freedom?

Be free. Be free to taste, to see, to feel, to smell, to hear.

Be free to feel the hypocrisy of peoples words.

You’ll feel it blast into you and throw you against a wall.

Be free to taste hate’s bitterly acid message.

You’ll taste it and want to spit it out.

Be free to see our blood stained hands.

You’ll see them kill and main and destroy.

Be free to smell the sweat of someone elses body being pushed too closely to yours.

You’ll smell it and want to vomit.

Be free to hear the sounds of freedom.

You’ll hear it, you fool and you’ll think that you are free.

Death

Sometimes it’s real, sometimes it’s not real.

When it’s not real, it’s the sensation that something is hiding from me.

When it’s real, it hurts too much. I’ve never hurt so much.

I know that in a moment, she will come

shuffling around the corner in her nightgown

and slippers and tell me to go to bed – that’s

NOT REAL. She will NEVER come around the corner again.

I can’t stop. I feel as though I will cry forever.

I tried to tell her but the words sounded

so much like the words that could have

been said by anybody. I loved her more

than I can say.

She was love, she was security, she was

everything and she is gone.

Gone

It hurts so much to remember but

to forget would hurt worse.

Self

I have not yet emerged from

the deep, dark, forbidden forest

of uncertainty.

Soon, I may know all the answers.

Colorado

“It’s a long way from this place to Denver…”

I left you once for years

and I thought of coming home

everyday.

I promised I’d never leave again

but I had to.

Oh, how I miss you.

Your mountains, my memories,

your blue skies, my memories,

your white clouds, your green grass,

my memories. Golden grain flowing

slowly, gracefully in a cool breeze.

If I never see you again, I’ll never forget

the scent of pine trees on a crisp night,

the outline of the trees against a black sky

with sparkling, shimmering stars that reflect

so many dreams, promises and questions.

What a treasure to have those memories.

I want to come home.

There’s a truth about you, Colorado.

Your reality is somehow less harsh.

How I miss you. Someday,

I’ll be back and I’ll never leave you again.

Fear

Why did I have to find you?

I was just getting used to the rain

when the sunshine came along.